Reflecting on reflection

We should all have a 3 day wait.

Last week the Irish Social Democrats failed in their attempt to abolish the ‘three day wait’ for an abortion in Ireland. Despite there being very little public appetite for this change, media darling Social Democrat leader Holly Cairns TD thought this was a political priority worth devoting parliamentary time and energy to.

The Social Democrats’ Reproductive Rights (Amendment) Bill was defeated in the Dáil by 85 votes to 30. As well as removing the three day wait it also sought to change the law around the highly complex issue of life limiting diagnosis of an unborn child, or fatal foetal abnormalities as they like to call it. In addition it sought to decriminalise doctors operating outside the scope of the act, a highly dangerous move that was rejected even by Sinn Féin. If you are to the left of SF on any issue, you have fallen off the cliff.

I want to talk here about the three day wait. This means that if you are no more than 9 weeks pregnant, you can have an early medical abortion. There must be two consultations with a three-day wait in between them. This waiting period is required by law and cannot be waived.

Most of the political parties on the left and the not very representative National Women’s Council of Ireland want this three day wait abolished. It is an imposition on women and patronising and paternalistic according to ever present media darling Holly Cains.

What is so wrong with a reflection period? What is so wrong with a cooling off period or three day wait? Most credit agreements have a 28 day cooling off period and that just involves buying a car etc. This decision is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life. There are reports that thousands of women who have the first consultation to have an abortion do not have the second.

Senator Sarah O’Reilly, of pro-life party Aontú, said the three-day wait provides a “vital space for reflection at a time of immense pressure and vulnerability. The reality is that some women are unsure, some feel overwhelmed, and some feel they have no real alternative. That short pause can be the only moment they have to breathe, to think, and to reconsider,” she said.

The Senator is 100% correct. “Breathe, to think, and to reconsider.” Exactly. All of us should be doing more of this.

If you walk into any book shop these days there will be a large section devoted to overcoming mental health challenges, mindfulness, beating anxiety and not being overwhelmed. I am currently reading a book actually called Overwhelmed. And that’s just day to day life. People do need time and space to reflect on big life decisions, but time is the one thing we all complain that we don’t have.

(Bettystown beach 2026. A good opportunity for reflection.)

The truth is many people find it very difficult to reflect on anything important these days. In the culture of Amazon, uber and Netflix it does not surprise me that many feel outraged at the idea that a woman should have to wait for three days for anything. In fact, we should all have a three day wait when making any important decision – and I don’t mean this flippantly.

The decision to have a child or not (when you are already pregnant) will probably be the biggest decision of your life. If you are sure you do not want to have a child that is not going to change after three days, but you will have made up your mind in the knowledge that you are sure, that you have taken your time over the decision and you feel it is the right one for you. Women should take this time. Why someone would want to deny this certainly to a woman, I do not know.

On the other hand if you are not sure, if you feel under pressure or are uncertain the three days gives a woman a chance to think about this very important life changing decision. Remember that concept – let me think about it? Too often, very few of us want to think about anything anymore.

Our senses and minds are under daily assault. We are always so distracted or entertained that we often do not take time to reflect. And reflecting on a problem and how we truly feel about something is what it is to be human. To really reflect we also need silence – and this is something people will walk over hot coals to avoid. Silence and reflection brings uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. This can be frightening. It might lead you to a painful truth you have been trying hard to avoid. That’s why so few of us do it.

Instead we are addicted to social media, on demand TV, the right to purchase, consume and have our pizza delivered by drone. We discard things and people all the time. You don’t like the person you are seeing right now – just swipe right. No wonder so many of us are miserable.

Then there is the argument that a three day wait is “patronising and paternalistic.” It is not either of these things but it is protective. This might come as a surprise to the politicians but some people are impetuous, impatient and lack insight in to how they truly feel about something. These people are called ordinary men and women, especially under the age of 25. I am only human, after all.

Over the last few years I have tried to embed a three day reflection period on myself when making decisions that are far less important than whether to become a mother. This is because I am impatient and impetuous who in the past would act first and think later. This makes for very bad decision making whether it comes to spending money or sending an email or text that 2 minutes later I regret.

Often on a Monday I can be consumed with fury over an issue only for three days later to wake up and think, what was all the fuss was about? If on day three I am still pretty furious or determined about something then I know I should do something about it.

We should all observe a three day reflection period when making major decisions. And by reflection I don’t mean watching the latest drama series on autoplay. I mean really thinking about something while doing the washing-up or laundry or going for a walk without your phone. Try it today.

It’s harder than you think.